“You can do stupid things!”

SUP MY LITTLE PUPS. This is Hideous Control popping her head up out of the InterWebs. Think of me as a mystical babe, born supernaturally in the center of a lotus floating in the waters of the Universe, waiting to be snatched up and adopted by a kindly old couple who later learn of my supernatural origins.

Or just know that I’m a 40 something female from the USA who’s created this blog to get some stuff out.

Will anyone ever see this? Who knows. I have many hats I wear in my daily life: healthcare provider, faithful employee, student, deathslaying banshee from the depths of Hell…

One of those may not be true.

I have to put on a Face that the world sees. I think most of us are really superheroes in our own minds, our private Walter Mitty universes, and in order to survive on this Blue Marble hurtling through space, we each have a Face. The responsible Face. The Face that smiles blandly at the guy who cuts around you in line at the grocery store when really all you want to do is bare your fangs, rip off your shirt a la Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania and chant the lyrics to a Metallica song backwards.

(Disclaimer: I am in no way implying that by chanting the lyrics to a Metallica song backwards that you will summon a demon to fulfill all your grocery store line needs, but I’m saying it couldn’t hurt)

I have a mental illness.

“Well, Hideous, so does half of the Internet. They’re on this other site called Tumblr.”

No, no, hear me out (I myself am on Tumblr, mostly to look at pictures of Cute British Actors). We are finally coming to a place in society where mental illness is being discussed and given a modicum of proper attention. I think the Internet can be a great equalizer and bring people together out of their isolation. And let me tell you, boys and grills and Other Gendered People, mental illness can be very isolating.

I take medication every day for this illness (bipolar type 2, if you want to get specific). I do all the Good Stuff I’m supposed to: meds, therapy, plenty of exercise, try to meditate, snort the musk from a virgin yak up my nose, the usual. And yet, sometimes it isn’t enough.

I’m creating this blog because I feel myself in a bit of hypomania right now. Nothing terrible, definitely not like when I was first diagnosed. But it comes in waves. Maybe it’s the winter season, maybe I’m just bored at work, maybe this, maybe that. But instead of allowing myself to go into my normal not so health coping mechanisms i.e., food, too much alcohol, browsing the internet, procrastinating, I’m going to write instead.

You’ll learn more about me in the coming entries. I’ll sign off for now, and am going to watch a Youtube video of Animal Cops: Houston and wish I had a cat again. Ta ta for now.